The Mom Challenge: Week 15 Create healthy dental habits
The Mom Challenge: Week 14 Rewarding Vs. Bribing
It’s week 14! If you are just finding us (welcome!) you can find all of the other challenges here. Make sure to log on The Blog Frog to talk about this week’s challenge! If you aren’t a member it’s free and easy!
Josh has a reading log that we fill out each day. He has to read 100 minutes a week. No problem. We love to read at our house! So he picked out his first book (one that he hasn’t read yet. Yes, my child has discovered that in order to rack up lots of quick AR points he can take tests on books he’s already read from last year.).
He chose Danny the Champion of the World by Roald Dahl. Needless to say in two nights he said he was finished with the book. I asked him “Are you sure you read it all and not just bits and pieces?” “Yep.” “And you are ready for your AR test?” “Yep.”
He said he read it. He reads in the living room so I had seen him reading it. But did he really finish the entire book in 2 30 minute sessions (plus whatever time he was reading in bed underneath the covers with a flashlight. Yes, Josh, you got caught, again.) So I told him, “If you get a 100% on your AR test you can have an extra 15 minutes of video game time. Now are you sure you are ready to take the test?” “Yep.”
So did I bribe my child or reward my child? I think I suppose you could say I bribed him to do well. I don’t think I did. I think I offered an incentive to do well. I rewarded his hard work with video game time. (He got a 100% by the way! Woo hoo! Josh really loved this book in case you couldn’t tell so if you have a child around 4th grade it might be a good one to add to your library list!)
What about those desperate times in the grocery store where we say “If you behave I’ll buy you some M&M’s when we check out.” Bribe? Or reward?
I think as parents we really need to look at the two and decide which are we doing. Your child learns (sometimes too quickly) how to get what they want. They learn what buttons to push, what behaviors to do, how to ask, and sometimes who to ask.
Take the store for example. If your child is not having a very good day and you tell him/her I’ll get you some candy if you behave. The child has 2 options. Behave and get candy. Not behave and (hopefully) not get candy. Next time you go to the store the child will remember, hey I got candy here. But if your child isn’t going in kicking and screaming you probably aren’t going to say behave and I’ll buy candy. You probably won’t even thinking about it. You get to the check out line, the child asks for candy and you say no not today. And the child starts throwing a fit. After all they just behaved in the store. Last time they were naughty and you had to remind them; this time they did it all on their own! You and your child leave the store angry. What did you just teach your child? You taught them – misbehave and then you can have a chance to get the candy! You just rewarded your child
Children need rules. Parents need to set these rules and expect the rules to be followed. That’s why they are called expectations. Your child shouldn’t be rewarded for doing something they should have done in the first place!
“Clean your room and I’ll buy you a video game.” You are basically telling your child “If you let your room get dirty enough, fight with her about cleaning it she will get fed up eventually. And then she will offer really cool things for you to do something you should have done weeks ago. Otherwise you are going to have to clean your room each week, earn an allowance and save up the money to buy that $50 game you want. Take your pick.” You raised a smart kid. Which option do you think they will chose?
Here are my definitions for bribing and rewarding because sometimes it’s hard to know which one you are doing!
Bribing – offering your child something for doing something/acting a certain way. Usually bribing happens out of desperation and frustration. And USUALLY the bribe is for something the child should do/act anyways. Often is rewarding a negative behavior.
Rewarding – offering your child something for a job well done
Rewards don’t have to cost money! Rewards can be praise, hugs, kisses & high fives! I think it is so important to reward kids. Josh had to take his AR test anyways. But he rocked it and so he earned extra video game time. Looking back I wish I would have established this rule prior to the first book being read, but I didn’t. Now he knows. Working hard on AR points = extra video game time.
We do set up a system for report cards. A’s = $10 B’s = $5. Is this bribing him to get good grades? He should do that anyways right? If at your job your boss offers you a bonus if you meet a certain sales goal – is that a bribe or an incentive? See the line between the two can be tricky! (If anyone is curious, I believe our system is truly an incentive. C’s = $0 D’s = -$5 F’s = -$10. Josh works hard all year because he doesn’t want to owe us money at the end of each 9 weeks!)
So the challenge this week is to look at your motives. If you hear yourself saying the words “If you do this, then I will do that.” Stop. Are you bribing your child? Are you teaching your child that they will get rewarded for negative behavior? If you have been bribing your child for a while and your child is used to only wanting to do things when there is a reward know that this is a hard habit to break! Stick with it!
Reward your children. Don’t bribe them.
Join us over at The Blog Frog to talk about it! I’d love to hear your thoughts!
The Mom Challenge: Week 13 – De-Stress the mornings
The Mom Challenege Week 13 The Value of a Dollar
Anyways. We got the Skylander pack at Walmart. Then we were on our way to Target to finish back to school shopping. Where he saw another pack of Skylanders (Ice Skylanders – we’ve been searching for those!) Fine. Get them. But I’m taking the other one back to Walmart. “Why Mommy?? Please can I keep it?”
Here are some great books you might want to check out:
(the 1st one is for your Kindle!)
And also make sure to check out Family Education. They have TONS of great (FREE) articles on raising money smart kids at all ages!
So the challenge this week: Start thinking about how you can raise money smart kids? Do your kids already have chores? Do you allow them to spend all their money? Can you open a bank account for your child? Come join us on Blog Frog to talk about how we are raising money smart kids!
The Mom Challenge: Week 12 hugs and kisses
This is week 12! If you are looking for the other Mom Challenge posts visit here!
I’ve thought for a few days: to post or not to post. This seems like such an obvious one and I’m sure one that is done regularly by so many. But then I thought about kids growing up. Josh is almost 9 and I will admit that I don’t hug him as much as I used to. Before you judge me, know that I tried! But sometimes hugs are met with pushes aways and “MOM, I’m not a baby” phrases. Our bedtime hugs are still there and hugs before he goes anywhere and are still there but what in a few years. Will he continue to hug me before he runs outside to play with his friends? And at 16, 17, or even 18 will he hug me goodnight?
So yes I am going to post this.
This week’s challenge is to hug your kids. Not just once. Not just twice. But hug them at least 3 times. In the morning – send them off to start their day with an I love you and a hug and kiss. During the day sometime- tell them you love them or you’re proud of them and sneak in a hug. And before they go to bed. And not just a quick hug! Make your hugs count!
Make sure that you are consistent with your hugs. Daily hugs will come to be expected!
If you have a teenager explain to them that they aren’t optional. Tell them they don’t have to hug you back, but you are going to hug them even if they are there rolling their eyes.
Don’t be discouraged. If you have a (pre) teen who is acting like they are too grown up for hugs just know that you shouldn’t give up. Again consistency! After a while of hugging them every morning before they leave for school know that they will eventually come find you for that hug.
Hugs are important. And I think it’s important for us mom’s to realize that growing older doesn’t mean that hugs are any less important. Just because our kids tell us they are too grown up for them doesn’t mean they need them. So hug your kids this week. If you have younger children vow that even they get older that you will continue to hug them daily.
After all who doesn’t love a hug?
Make sure to visit us over on The Blog Frog (it’s free to sign up!) to chat! 🙂
Week 11 – The Mom Challenge – Use the teachable moments
Week 10 of the Mom Challenge – How to raise readers
– Joshua, age 9
Delia Creates made this wonderful free printable summer bingo card originally for her summer bucket list. I think it would be a great summer reading list as well. Just simply print and add in book titles. When your child reads the book they cover the space! BINGO!
The Mom Challege: Week 9 Excuses excuses
Join us over at The Blog Frog! I would love to chat with you! 🙂
The Mom Challenge: Week 8
Josh’s school does something special every Friday afternoon. It’s called Passion hour. In the beginning of the year each teacher chose something they were passionate about. Each classroom has a different passion – cooking, sewing, recycling, aviation etc. Then the kids get to chose one of the themes and go learn about it. Now the 6th graders are leading the passion groups sharing some of their passions every Friday.
The kids love it. I love it. The kids learn smoothing new – they are exposed to new things. And they see that it’s important to have something to be passionate about.
This week the challenge is to help your child find something they are passionate about. It could be painting, clay, sports, space, tractors. Even small children have something that they are really into. Or if your 2 year old loves to color why not try finger paint. Or puffy paint. Or looking up fun art projects. Passions are something that are for all ages!
Has your child not found their passion yet? Give them a camera – let them take some pictures. Go out and play Frisbee golf. Build a card house (do people still do that?) Try all kinds of things. It will be fun to try out new things and who knows maybe you will find some new passion as well!
If your child already has something they are passionate about why not harbor that and get involved with them. Just an hour this week. Learn about their passion. Help them explore it – explore it yourself. Have fun!
What are some things you or your kids are passionate about?
The Mom Challenge: Week 7